Know Your Valhalla Cup - 2005

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A former VC winner - now more famous for snatching disco naps at Howlers instead of disco babes.

Despite drinking bottled water he was still dry retching later than night. In between naps.

Almost certainly gay!

Walked the town streets alone the first night to check that the town was safe for the VC Players.

And the very next night he almost shot up the new School Marm by mistake(?).

Another gay boy who sneaks off to eat and sleep to save himself for the golf.

Another tour funny  man that, like his best bum chum mate TUT, relies on a cliched and well worn bundle of misogynistic one liners. They really need to chip in and hire some new writers.

He's also a  famous sledger who is easily hoist by his own petard. He sledged his way to victory on the last hole of a personal contest with CrazyMan despite being 10 shots behind.

Note however that his own game will instantly fall apart if you say "Jeez - you've got a really nice swing today!!!" After that he can't hit a ball.

Two Up disowned him for 'scaring away all the talent' at Howlers on both the Saturday and Sunday nigths. Go figure???

A notorious choker eg. When playing The Burglar. Just as he looked like beating the burglar for the 1st time ever - he shot 11 on the final hole to snatch defeat.

One of the tours funny men his style of humour is based on Tourettes Syndrome.

Threatened to punch out a 5 Minute Angel while delivering yet another Tourette fueled assessment of her services.

When confused he tends to walk round with his pants around his ankles. And likes to sneak into dark alleys to have a slash while shaking his legs in an Elvis impersonation (wash and wear strides a must for this guy).

When denied access to night clubs he thoughtfully tourettes counsels bouncers on their obvious latent homesexuality.

Oh - also this years provisonal Valhalla Cup winner. Unfortunately he was spotted sneaking a SHANDY at the presentation and may yet be stripped of his title for just an unforgiveable GAY act.

A newcomer to the VC Tour who has acquitted himself well by being the tallest - for a night. Did SFA else!

Likes to sneak off with The Sheriff and trawl for school teachers - though we expect that he's gay.

Due to confusion over his first name he stupidly stated "So long as it starts with a 'D' I am happy!"

So his VC Tour name is now and always and only 'D___B____'

Strangely attracted to the steaming stalks of bamboo where he relies on his leather wedge while firmly stating "I went over the bamboo!!!"

His other VC nickname is "Tim Tam' - since he sneaks out of Howlers before closing so that he 'can enjoy his golf' the next day. ie. he's obviouly a low, weak kneed, turd burgling Tim Tam sucking gay boy.

Recently whipped by Bou Baddeley off the stick.

Embarasses the group by displaying his guns wherever he goes. That's The Sheriff's job!!! Hide them away mate!!!

Nearly scored a cool VC Tour name like 'Chisel' or 'Gunner' until he proved he was definitely gay at Howlers by running away all night from a gorgeous blond who was gasping for it.

Now known as 'Limp Chisel' or 'Flaccid Chisel' (or just 'The Limp' to his mates and girly patrons of Howlers) he masturbates daily at 10:00AM into a pillow under his desk.

Does absolutely SFA all tour except stand around and look big.

Plays golf okay but is prone to air swings as gay thoughts suddenly cascade through his mind. Obviously prefers basketball where air swings dont count.

Pretended to not know a slobbering Carpet Breath Osborne when they accidentally meet in the 2AM Bic Mac line. What are mates for???

Improves  his golf handicap by deep snogging the oldest, fattest, ugliest trannie he can find.

Like to drink rum and coke with a beer/cum stained carpet chaser.

Proved he's the gayest guy on tour by knocking back a leso sandwich on offer at Howlers.

HINT: Inaugural winner of the 'Biggest Animal Act on Tour' - the Osborne - Moles trophy.

Brought a new set of clubs to the VC only to taste bitter defeat. What a dreamer!!! What a wally!!!
  
Tried his home wrecking  best by zeroeing  in on a soon to be blushing bride at Howlers and finished the night by trying to lure her and 2 of her bridesmaids into a spa bath.

Apparently they all pulled out just in time???  She wants to catch up when he's next in Brisbane. Well done mate!!!

Former VC winner and biggest joke on the tour!!!

Now VC Secretary -  his organisational skills are excellent but extremely SLOW!!! He has promised to organise another VC Tour early next year or he will SURRENDER HIS BALLS.

Although known to grow beer gills on tour he was last seen drinking G&Ts, Bloody Marys and Vodka Tonics at Howlers on Sunday night. Yes - that's right - he's gay too!!
  
He once broke all the rules by breaking VC rule #1 - "Porker cant win!!"

Wears polo shirts that he's dragged out of a dumpster then washed in bleach - claims it's the latest fashion and very expensive. Who's he kidding!!

Had 5 different hens nights on the hop at Howlers where he claimed he was a pro-am gynaecologist with lines like
"expert massage of the perineum with a warm unscented massage oil helps soften and increase the elasticity blah blah blah ..."

The 2nd most obviously UNGAY man on tour (though you never really know??? "Methinks the lady doth protest too much!!!" -Iago)

The mirror image of craziness. And another trouser shaker.

Often has to reassure bouncers that they are not gay - ie. You can tell a man who boozes by the company he chooses.

Ran dead last n the VC - obviously gay.

Often said to be the 2nd funniest man on tour despite relying on dated, hackneyed misogynistic jokes. Yes - it's always good to have a tradionalist on tour.

He also answers to the name GayLord and he's a buy sexual. His buy sexuality is common knowledge and understandable considering he got knocked back on a Sunday at Howlers by the ugliest women (he claimed 'leso') the tour has even seen.

Regular detours to 'Miss Fong's Rooster Rub and Tug' at Banksia whilst enroute  home town tides him over between Valhalla Cups.
  
His website is  www.naroomabigcock.com

Famous for grass cutting at Howlers - he chased 2 sheilas all night and when he misses out immediately stared moving in on his mates territory. SOP
  
Hears the word 'Bro' and starts threatening to throw punches saying "I've put up with that shit all my life!!!" Imagine if he ever met Justin Harrison???
  
Also likes to accompany CrazyMan down dark alleys and do a bit of trouser shaking himself.

As famous for snogging trannie snoggers as he is for snotting racist snotters.

Scientist and Saint. Voted most likely VC Player to win a Nobel prize.

Former winner and originator of the VC Tour.
  
Easily the funniest man on tour - best tennis player on tour - best beer donkey on tour - the only man on tour who is guaranteed as NOT GAY! (Despite that unfortunate photo)
  
Took off his boxers for both a hen AND security at Howlers. Still missed out.

Thats gay youre that's gay your all poofs thats Gay...thats fucking gay....you can get stuffed .....

Who else but the gayest of the gay would have TIM TAMS on the top of his shopping list, also know to make cup cakes for fun and merrily skips around to hand them out to all the boys.

Note from the website moderator:

The answer to this question is BigNoZe!!! The Bamboozla,
who added this question, should have realised if you 
add in a comment it should relate to an event on tour.

Likes to think of himself as the funniest guy on tour despite consistently being voted only the 2nd funniest.

Surprisingly is not the worst golfer on tour, which exemplifies the low standards set.  

On previous tours has earned the job title of \"Jack Nicklaus\' sandtrap location adviser\" .

When he plays, NOT even \"golf is the real winner\" and he consistently fails to \"hit it in with my dick\" .

Set a new PB by staying out after midnight without either falling asleep in his drink or claiming he has to go home to feed the cat !!

Voted unluckiest on tour, after been ripped off by handicap organisers. Still being called by various Coast trannies. 
New clubs will make this player a real threat in 2006 and is likely to start short priced favourite.

Know Your Valhalla Cup - 2005

Match the Player to his 2005 Player Profile by clicking on his photo then 'Hit it BigNoZe!!!' to test your Valhalla Cup smarts.

Get a 100% and you can add your own profile of a tour player!!!

Match the Player to his 2005 Player Profile by clicking on his photo
then 'Hit it BigNoZe!!!' to test your Valhalla Cup smarts.